Previously on Robin Hood Lego, Prince of Thieves, the Sheriff had abducted Marian and used poor old Duncan to find Robin's forest hideout. He burned the place to the ground and captured many Merrie Men, but there were still doubts over the existential status of Robin himself. Is he still alive? What do you think? Why not read on to find out if you're right?
The Sheriff had brought Marian back to his castle. His plan was so despicably evil that he had to make a conscious effort not to twirl his moustache as he spoke.
'Well, my lovely,' he began, 'we've found the den of thieves in Sherwood Forest, and razed it to the ground. We have many prisoners being subjected to various types of unpleasant anatomical research, but I'd like to spare the families. The women and the little ones shouldn't have to suffer for the sins of men.
'However, I'm not quite a nice enough man in my own right to display that kind of mercy. If you were to marry me, however, I might be persuaded to let them go. Some of your goodness would undoubtedly rub off on me. Ooh, I'd love it if you rubbed off on me.'
'Oh!' exclaimed Marian, shocked. 'I'll never marry you; I'm practically engaged to Robin Hood.'
The Sheriff produced Robin's pendant. 'I'm truly sorry, my dear...'
'Oh!' repeated Marian, tearfully. 'Even if Robin is dead, I'll never be yours, you creepy little despot!'
'Oh, Marian,' implored the Sheriff, 'think of the children.'
'Curse you, the Sheriff of Nottingham! I suppose I have no choice,' she conceded.
'I'm sure the tots will be suitably grateful: prepare for the wedding! Also, since you're the King's cousin, I'll be in line for the throne if he meets with any... mishaps. Cunning, eh?'
To tell the truth, the Sheriff didn't really like women all that much; talking to them made him feel a bit queasy. He decided to work off some of his male aggression by making a visit to the torture chamber.
'I've heard rumours that Robin Hood may still be alive,' he said. One of you miserable toads had better tell me where he is, or I'll systematically turn you all inside-out and hang your families with your intestines.'
'I'd like to kill Locksley myself!' cried Will Scarlett. 'He betrayed us all with his hare-brained schemes and poor tactical awareness. He's a trusting fool; I can get close to him.'
'All right,' agreed the Sheriff, 'but if you fail, I will personally remove your lying tongue.'
After Will had left, the Sheriff wondered whether it might not have been a good idea to send some of his men to supervise him. 'That's the kind of hubris that has landed other great villains in trouble in the past,' he mused. 'Still, it'll never happen to me.'
Will returned to the forest to find that all the key personnel had, conveniently, managed to escape capture. Robin was indeed alive, and Azeem and John were present and correct. However, Will was still angry with Robin.
'You deluded egomaniac!' he raged. 'The Sheriff is going to execute all our men. He sent me here to kill you, and as much as I'd like to, you're the only chance we have of mounting a rescue mission.'
'Did I wrong you in another life, Will Scarlett?' asked Robin. 'I'm a pretty affable chap, and yet you seem to hate me. What gives?'
Tears welled up in Will's eyes. 'Our father loved you more than he loved me! That's right: I'm his illegitimate son from the relationship that you ended with your tantrums! You ruined my life!'
'I have a brother?' said Robin, taking Will in his arms. 'I have a brother!'
'Y'know,' said John to Azeem, 'I can see the resemblance now you come to mention it. Same eyes, same smile.'
With the family reunion over, the men formulated a plot to overthrow the Sheriff. There would be some action, some drama, and possibly an inspiring motivational speech. It was brilliant.
The day the men were due to be hanged was also, tastefully, the Sheriff's wedding day. Robin and his gang sneaked into the castle's courtyard disguised as lepers, blind men and other assorted miscreants. However, things began to go awry when Will was plucked from the crowd and found to be in possession of a sword, earning him a place on the chopping block. The remaining men kicked into action with flaming arrows, brute strength and sly cunning, and Will's life was saved, but it was becoming obvious that they were outnumbered. Time for that speech.
'People of Nottingham!' bellowed Azeem from a parapet. 'I am not one of you, but I am a free man! If you love freedom, rise up against this tyrant Sheriff now! There's a very small chance of dying if you're in a big crowd: this is the ancient wisdom of fish.'
It worked a treat. The tax-paying public ran riot, allowing the men to move to the next stage of their plan unimpeded. The wedding had to be stopped!
Unfortunately, the men had - quite literally - hit a brick wall. The only way to scale it in a hurry was to commandeer a nearby catapult, and use it to launch Robin and Azeem over the top.
'To be honest,' said Will, 'I have some reservations about this. Even if you do get over the wall, you'll almost certainly fall to your deaths on the other side.'
'Don't be such a negative Nancy, Will,' said Robin. 'Nobody really understands why objects are attracted towards the Earth anyway. We'll fly on the wings of love!'
And so they did, tracing a graceful inverted parabola through the air, and landing unscathed in a handy haystack.
Robin arrived in the Sheriff's chambers just in time to interrupt the nuptials.
'Damn it, Locksley,' cursed the Sheriff, 'nobody likes a wedding crasher. To teach you a lesson, I'll kill you in plain view of your beloved Marian, using your own father's sword!'
'Pah!' retorted Robin. 'I'll never have reason to fear my father's blade.'
There followed a rather athletic sword fight, with much jumping on and off tables and swinging from light fixtures. Finally, Robin's sword was broken, and the Sheriff pressed the tip of his blade into the former's throat.
'Nooo!' cried Marian, lunging at the Sheriff. The momentary distraction allowed Robin to pull a spare dagger from his tights and ram it into the cold black heart of his adversary.
'Hooray!' cheered Marian, embracing her man enthusiastically.
Suddenly, Mortianna burst through the door, charging at Robin with a spear. A split second later, Azeem emerged, and sent his sword spinning and swooshing through the air towards her, striking her fatally in the back.
'The... painted... man!' she hissed, dying.
'Thanks, Azeem,' said Robin. 'That life-saving vow of yours really did work out rather well.'
'Hooray!' said Marian again. 'Now you and I can get married, Robin, and not have to live in that poxy treehouse.'
Some weeks later, Robin and Marian commenced their wedding in the presence of all their friends. Blossom was inexplicably falling from the trees like rain, which was quite romantic. As they were about to finalise their vows, the ceremony was interrupted by an important-looking man on horseback.
'Richard!' exclaimed Marian, for it was indeed The Lionheart himself, back from his Christian rampage.
The Sheriff had brought Marian back to his castle. His plan was so despicably evil that he had to make a conscious effort not to twirl his moustache as he spoke. 'Well, my lovely,' he began, 'we've found the den of thieves in Sherwood Forest, and razed it to the ground. We have many prisoners being subjected to various types of unpleasant anatomical research, but I'd like to spare the families. The women and the little ones shouldn't have to suffer for the sins of men.
'However, I'm not quite a nice enough man in my own right to display that kind of mercy. If you were to marry me, however, I might be persuaded to let them go. Some of your goodness would undoubtedly rub off on me. Ooh, I'd love it if you rubbed off on me.'
'Oh!' exclaimed Marian, shocked. 'I'll never marry you; I'm practically engaged to Robin Hood.'
The Sheriff produced Robin's pendant. 'I'm truly sorry, my dear...'
'Oh!' repeated Marian, tearfully. 'Even if Robin is dead, I'll never be yours, you creepy little despot!'
'Oh, Marian,' implored the Sheriff, 'think of the children.'
'Curse you, the Sheriff of Nottingham! I suppose I have no choice,' she conceded.
'I'm sure the tots will be suitably grateful: prepare for the wedding! Also, since you're the King's cousin, I'll be in line for the throne if he meets with any... mishaps. Cunning, eh?'
To tell the truth, the Sheriff didn't really like women all that much; talking to them made him feel a bit queasy. He decided to work off some of his male aggression by making a visit to the torture chamber.'I've heard rumours that Robin Hood may still be alive,' he said. One of you miserable toads had better tell me where he is, or I'll systematically turn you all inside-out and hang your families with your intestines.'
'I'd like to kill Locksley myself!' cried Will Scarlett. 'He betrayed us all with his hare-brained schemes and poor tactical awareness. He's a trusting fool; I can get close to him.'
'All right,' agreed the Sheriff, 'but if you fail, I will personally remove your lying tongue.'
After Will had left, the Sheriff wondered whether it might not have been a good idea to send some of his men to supervise him. 'That's the kind of hubris that has landed other great villains in trouble in the past,' he mused. 'Still, it'll never happen to me.'
Will returned to the forest to find that all the key personnel had, conveniently, managed to escape capture. Robin was indeed alive, and Azeem and John were present and correct. However, Will was still angry with Robin.'You deluded egomaniac!' he raged. 'The Sheriff is going to execute all our men. He sent me here to kill you, and as much as I'd like to, you're the only chance we have of mounting a rescue mission.'
'Did I wrong you in another life, Will Scarlett?' asked Robin. 'I'm a pretty affable chap, and yet you seem to hate me. What gives?'
Tears welled up in Will's eyes. 'Our father loved you more than he loved me! That's right: I'm his illegitimate son from the relationship that you ended with your tantrums! You ruined my life!'
'I have a brother?' said Robin, taking Will in his arms. 'I have a brother!'
'Y'know,' said John to Azeem, 'I can see the resemblance now you come to mention it. Same eyes, same smile.'
With the family reunion over, the men formulated a plot to overthrow the Sheriff. There would be some action, some drama, and possibly an inspiring motivational speech. It was brilliant.
The day the men were due to be hanged was also, tastefully, the Sheriff's wedding day. Robin and his gang sneaked into the castle's courtyard disguised as lepers, blind men and other assorted miscreants. However, things began to go awry when Will was plucked from the crowd and found to be in possession of a sword, earning him a place on the chopping block. The remaining men kicked into action with flaming arrows, brute strength and sly cunning, and Will's life was saved, but it was becoming obvious that they were outnumbered. Time for that speech.'People of Nottingham!' bellowed Azeem from a parapet. 'I am not one of you, but I am a free man! If you love freedom, rise up against this tyrant Sheriff now! There's a very small chance of dying if you're in a big crowd: this is the ancient wisdom of fish.'
It worked a treat. The tax-paying public ran riot, allowing the men to move to the next stage of their plan unimpeded. The wedding had to be stopped!
Unfortunately, the men had - quite literally - hit a brick wall. The only way to scale it in a hurry was to commandeer a nearby catapult, and use it to launch Robin and Azeem over the top.'To be honest,' said Will, 'I have some reservations about this. Even if you do get over the wall, you'll almost certainly fall to your deaths on the other side.'
'Don't be such a negative Nancy, Will,' said Robin. 'Nobody really understands why objects are attracted towards the Earth anyway. We'll fly on the wings of love!'
And so they did, tracing a graceful inverted parabola through the air, and landing unscathed in a handy haystack.
Robin arrived in the Sheriff's chambers just in time to interrupt the nuptials. 'Damn it, Locksley,' cursed the Sheriff, 'nobody likes a wedding crasher. To teach you a lesson, I'll kill you in plain view of your beloved Marian, using your own father's sword!'
'Pah!' retorted Robin. 'I'll never have reason to fear my father's blade.'
There followed a rather athletic sword fight, with much jumping on and off tables and swinging from light fixtures. Finally, Robin's sword was broken, and the Sheriff pressed the tip of his blade into the former's throat.
'Nooo!' cried Marian, lunging at the Sheriff. The momentary distraction allowed Robin to pull a spare dagger from his tights and ram it into the cold black heart of his adversary.
'Hooray!' cheered Marian, embracing her man enthusiastically.
Suddenly, Mortianna burst through the door, charging at Robin with a spear. A split second later, Azeem emerged, and sent his sword spinning and swooshing through the air towards her, striking her fatally in the back. 'The... painted... man!' she hissed, dying.
'Thanks, Azeem,' said Robin. 'That life-saving vow of yours really did work out rather well.'
'Hooray!' said Marian again. 'Now you and I can get married, Robin, and not have to live in that poxy treehouse.'
Some weeks later, Robin and Marian commenced their wedding in the presence of all their friends. Blossom was inexplicably falling from the trees like rain, which was quite romantic. As they were about to finalise their vows, the ceremony was interrupted by an important-looking man on horseback. 'Richard!' exclaimed Marian, for it was indeed The Lionheart himself, back from his Christian rampage.
'Yesh,' lisped the prodigal monarch, 'it ish I, King Richard of Shcotenglandshire! I cannot allow thish wedding to prosheed!'
'My Lord!' protested Robin.
'Unlesh!' Richard continued, 'I am allowed to give the bride away. Marian, you look radiant!'
'Ooh, you had us going for a minute there, cousin,' said Marian.
'Jusht my little joke, my dear!'
The Merrie Men were most amused, and laughed appreciatively.
'You may now kiss the bride,' said the Friar. The happy couple didn't need to be told twice.
'Hooray!' cheered the men, as one.
And so, our tale ends happily with a wedding, a technique that would later be copied by Shakespeare, the overrated plagiarising git. Robin and Marian lived happily ever after, and the story of Robin Hood passed into Lego Legend.
The End.
'My Lord!' protested Robin.
'Unlesh!' Richard continued, 'I am allowed to give the bride away. Marian, you look radiant!'
'Ooh, you had us going for a minute there, cousin,' said Marian.
'Jusht my little joke, my dear!'
The Merrie Men were most amused, and laughed appreciatively.
'You may now kiss the bride,' said the Friar. The happy couple didn't need to be told twice.
'Hooray!' cheered the men, as one.
And so, our tale ends happily with a wedding, a technique that would later be copied by Shakespeare, the overrated plagiarising git. Robin and Marian lived happily ever after, and the story of Robin Hood passed into Lego Legend.
The End.
